I am not sure if the reunion process with my birth father is going very well.  We have spoken a few times since locating him.  He was extremely excited when we first spoke.  However, since then I have rarely heard from him.  We have had three other phone conversations and have exchanged two emails, but he has not called me in weeks.  I have initiated every telephone conversation at this point.  I have also sent a few emails but have not received anything in return.

I told myself going into this, that I would not have high expectations.  Clearly, I did have some sort of expectations especially after hearing his enthusiasm during our first call.  I swing back and forth between sadness and anger.  I want to know him and I want him to want to know me, but I refuse to beg  for it.

I never felt abandoned or rejected as a child.  I received nothing but unconditional love from my immediate and extended family.  I did not know that my birth father had left my mother and me until I was 13 years old.  It was somewhat too late to feel abandoned or rejected at that point, especially after having a relatively solid and stable childhood.  I cannot help but feel a bit vulnerable and afraid that he really does not want to get to know me now, that perhaps he was caught up in the moment during our initial call.

I am feeling just a little bit rejected and sad right now.