I participate in various diversity forums. Recently, a colleague was surprised to find out that I am gay. Since I rarely (if ever) talk about my sexual identity, she assumed that I was straight. I thought being a part of various LGBT coalitions made my orientation clear. She stated that all of her LGBT friends are very vocal about their sexuality. Therefore, my silence made her assume that I was only an ally to the LGBT community. Does silence about ones sexual identity lead people to the assumption that one is straight?
My friends knew long before I ever thought about coming out to my family. After building up the courage, I announced it in the middle of a conversation about something completely unrelated. I held my breath. My mother said “OK, honey” and proceeded to finish the thought she started before my quite passionate proclamation. I am one of the lucky ones. My family doesn’t make a big deal of of it. I am not even sure why I waited so long to tell them. It has never been an issue socially or professionally either. I had a boss a few years ago who was quite homophobic, but I never paid her much attention. I wasn’t attached to the position. If she had fired me, I would not have lost any sleep. I ended up leaving the position for a supervisory role at another firm.
Yet, there are moments where I experience a type of “outing”. Although I am not overtly vocal, I also don’t see myself as hiding the fact that I am gay.
I actively participate with The Womyn’s Way and the Philadelphia LGBT People of Color Coalition (as well as several other organizations), yet my sexuality has never been at the center of my personal crisis. I am not sure if I have always known or if I came to consciousness through internal revelation. One day I just decided to verbalize it. Now, my ethnic identity is another matter entirely. Although I did not know there was such an identity as “AfroGerman” until my late teens, I always knew that I was different, that I didn’t fit into traditionally defined European (German) identities. I fought a constant internal and external struggle that has shaped how I view myself and the world around it.
What has most shaped your identity? Are there elements that are prominent, while others that take a backseat?
