I was supposed to meet my biological father this weekend.  We planned on meeting for lunch and I was fairly excited (and nervous) about the entire prospect.  Then, logistics and several other unexpected factors got in the way.  I clearly didn’t plan all this out as well as I should have.  So, I just sent him an email about the changes. I hope he understands.

I do really want to meet him and get to know him, but I think in general things went a bit too fast. I never thought that it would only take me 3 days to locate him.  I thought it would take weeks. However, when  the BGCS search consultant contacted me I was in shock.  And now, two months later, I have this entire family that seems excited to meet and get to know me.  I am overwhelmed to say the least.

I am actually relieved that I have a bit more time to process everything before I meet my birth father.  I hope to fly down to Florida for Martin Luther King, Jr. Weekend.  I may rent a car and drive down to Daytona beach that weekend, that is, if he still wants to meet me.  The next time I am home after that will be to spend time with my dad.  He will be home from German for a few weeks.  I think he is taking some leave after participating in an extended training course of some sort.  Mom and Dad are flying me home for a few days.  I haven’t seen my dad since last Christmas, so I want to spend as much time with him as possible. It will be another year and a few months before he is home for good.

I am a bit worried about my birth father’s response to the change in plans. He seemed really excited to meet me this weekend.  I hope he does not think that I do not want to meet him. That is the furthest from the truth. I am quite nervous about the meeting and I have second guessed the speed at which everything is unfolding.  I wonder if the change in logistics is a sign to take a moment to process everything through before leaping.

I am most overwhelmed because there are so many questions that are still unanswered. The gaps in the story of what happened 28 years ago are so numerous that I am second-guessing everything.  I am too mistrusting by nature and this situation is magnifying that tenfold.

I also worry about how this is affecting my my parents. My mom is worried about how I will react to meeting him. I gather that my dad is worried about my safety (just a gut feeling).  I think he is also worried that my birth father will show up on my mom’s doorstep. I think that everything would be less complicated if my dad were stateside right now.

Rome was not built overnight and this is going to take some time to sort out.  I just wish it werent’ so complicated and confusing.