I would like to share a recent conversation with you that I had the other night with my downstairs neighbor’s son – brace yourselves!
When I got home, I forgot that Samson had the last of his food last night. So, I packed up the pooch and off to ShopRite we went. On the way out the door I ran into my downstairs neighbors son.
Him: Oh shit! Is that a pit? I don’t want no trouble.
Me: He is more afraid of you than nothing.
Him: Them dogs are evil and dangerous.
Me: Only if humans make them that way.
Twenty minutes later Samson and I return, dog good and Haagen Daas in hand to find him sitting on the step.
Him: Does he bite?
Me: *sigh* no not really. Like I said, he is more afraid of you than anything. He is a rescue.
Him: So he is dangerous.
Me: No the humans who used him as a bait dog are dangerous.
Him: Do you live here?
Me: Umm..yeah
Him: Are you single?
Me: I am gay!
Him: Nahhh dawg really
Me: Yeah, it happens.
The channeling of Randy Jackson aside, I am always baffled when people find it shocking that I am queer. In reality, this attitude and response has little to do with me personally. A friend recently asked if men find it easier to accept women who “look” queer than women who “pass” as straight. I wish it were that simple. Such a conclusion assumes two constructed binaries exist for lesbians and that all of us neatly fit into them. Never mind that whole host of women identify as queer, dyke, androgynous, und so weiter! And then again what does a lesbian really look like? Is it the butch in a UPS uniform that Sherri Shepard on The View knows, or perhaps it’s the bumper sticker lesbian outfitted with just the right amount of queer insignia? Which one is the poster child for lesbians? BAH! The reality is that women fall along a whole trajectory of of lesbian/queerness and one of us doesn’t look more or less “the part” than the other. Each of us represents our own little universe of how we have personally constructed our identities.
I have an extremely visceral reaction when people label certain breeds as “dangerous”. In reality, it’s humans who condition dogs to be aggressive and violent – both intentionally and unintentionally. Dogs are the most loving and loyal creatures. They also have an amazing capacity to forgive, making the abuse that much more deplorable! The basics – if you don’t take care of your dog, feed your dog, care for his/her health needs, exercise your dog (especially larger breeds), your dog’s build up energy can (and many times does) turn into aggression. When I work crazy hours and Samson’s walking time gets cut in half, he goes all kinds of crazy. He needs his walks or my home will bear the brunt of his pent up energy. Trust me, not pretty! Also, don’t abuse your dog, then point blame on him/her for being aggressive in return. Violence begets violence! It is conditioned, not innate!
This guy’s reaction to my dog and my queerness is cut from the same cloth – society’s need to live within a world set in binaries – white or black, gay or straight, good or evil, friend or enemy. It is simple and easy that way! Why complicate something when you don’t need to, right? People have little desire (if any) to understand or accept that there are a myriad of identities, positions, options and truths at play that are not necessarily diametrically opposed to each other. In fact, people are outright fearful of ambiguity. When will be come to realize that difference and diversity are just that…different, not place holders along someone’s poorly constructed spectrum intent on entrenching and fossilizing heteronormative gender binaries? Hmm…..
