Addiction has touched my family in more ways than I can count. [Significantly redacted] I was recently asked to remove this post. I felt extremely hurt and silenced by this request. After much contemplation I have decided to remove what I think was at issue and retain the rest of this post without edit.  I doubt this will resolve the issue from the other party’s perspective, but welcome a dialogue. Nevertheless, I will say this….addiction issues in my family lead me to seek out Al-Anon. Otherwise, why would someone randomly seek out Al Anon, right? Addiction, whether one’s own or that of someone we love, impacts everyone differently. It impacts an entire family, no matter how far away someone lives….half way across the country or around the world. For good or bad, I have always processed out loud – relationship issues (post fact), identity issues, finding my birth father…the list goes on. I never do so in a way that is meant to hurt anyone involved and I take special care in only telling my story.

Anyway…back to regular scheduled programming!

I also have several friends who struggle with their addictions on a daily basis – sometimes more than others.

Ever so often one of them pops into my life in an extremely dysfunctional manner. It ends up being more a cry for attention than actually asking for help. A really thin line there, I know. The conversation usually goes something like this:

Her: “I am sinking”
Me: “Have you been to a meeting?”
Her: “No”
Me: “Have you talked to your sponsor?”
Her: “No, she wouldn’t understand.”
Me: “Do you want to go to a meeting together?”
Her: “No, I just want to talk to you.”

…at which point I take a step back.

When my sister was going through her issues I had already been living on my own for close to 5 years. I don’t think I have ever been so worried or panicked before. My first thought…how do I fix this? I not only wanted to fix my sister but wanted to fix things for my parents. It was through their filter that I was learning about the situation. Hearing the pain in their voice triggered my need to fix fix fix. At the suggestion of a friend I decided to see what Al-Anon was all about. It was probably the best think that I have ever done for myself. I even attended a few AA meetings for perspective.  I haven’t been in a while, but it’s always my first recourse when I am in need of a bit of therapy. I doubt that I would have made it through that phase of mine in tact without some of the friendships I established through AA and Al-Anon. Actually, I am sure that I wouldn’t have.

I’ve stopped trying to fix everything and came to realize that I don’t need fixing either.  That was probably the hardest lesson to learn.  It used to almost be a knee jerk reaction – something is wrong, I fix it.  It explains several of my past relationships. Yet, instead of fixing someone I just became a bit more broken, battered and bruised each time. I learned to discern the difference between my baggage and the baggage of others, as well as how to communicate that difference. I learned that I can only take responsibility for my own baggage and how that impacts my actions and the words I speak. I didn’t learn how to communicate boundaries until much later. I have Shay to thank for that one. It would have saved me a lot of heartache if I had.

Anyway…so fast forward to the present:

….the plan is to meet tomorrow for breakfast/coffee to talk with the condition that we *sigh* are going to a meeting tomorrow…perhaps The Mustard Seed during lunch or William Way after work. I haven’t been down that road in a long long time, so should be interesting.

I expect a lot of “where have you been?” questions. I only touch base regularly with a select few.  This probably sounds silly given how much I share on TDP and Facebook, but I want some sense of privacy, that what I share with others is intentional and I have some sense of control of who I share things with. Yes, I know….stop laughing!  Doesn’t matter though, because I committed to going and go I shall!