November 21, 2008!

The first time I heard my birth father’s voice. It’s the first time I heard him say he loved me. I didn’t even know how to process that. I doubted it. I questioned it. I surely didn’t believe it. And, his behavior since that day really hasn’t elevated any of those initial thoughts. We have spoken on the phone half a dozen times since that initial conversation. To say that I an disappointed in how reconnecting with him has unfolded, would be an understatement. My relationship (if I can even call it that) with my birthfather is complicated at best. You’d think that a year later, I would know more than “name and rank”……

He lives in Daytona Beach, Florida with his girlfriend and her kids, as do nearly 100 other family members.

He owns a construction company.

He has a new cell phone number every couple of months.

I am the youngest of four on my birthfather’s side – two boys and two girls.

I have two half-brothers; Tony lives in TN and the other died several years ago.

My birth-father spend some time in California after returning to the US in 1980 (apparently I have a half-sister in either CA or AZ).

My birth-father’s brother and his wife seem more interested in knowing me than my birth-father does.

His family is from Cuba.

My great-grandmother on my birth-father’s mother’s side is Taino (I’d like to learn more).

I thought he would want to know me. I thought he would be interested in my life, where I’ve been and what I’ve been doing over the last 30 years. I thought he would make some kind of effort. I thought that time would have changed him. Silly, right?

The only time we talk is when I initiate the call. When we do talk, it’s all fluff, small talk, nothing of substance. He dodged every single question I ask. Call me crazy, but I feel as though he should feel sort of responsibility  and accountability, or at least be even remotely forthcoming with some information.

I’d like a relationship, but if I would have to choose, I’d just like some clarity. It’s not like he made a conscious decision to give me up. He just disappeared.

I am in aw of kids who have relationships with their birth-parent(s) either by way of open adoption or reconnecting later in life. While I know that the grass is rarely greener on the other side, it sure looks that way from the slab of concrete I am standing on.

I am not sure where to go from here, whether to give him another call only to do the same dance we always do, or whether to let it go. I have little faith that he will actually be moved to pick up the phone and call me. I guess only time will tell.

My mom jokes that my dad got two for the price of one when they were married. I couldn’t have been older than three years old, two years after my parents met. My birthfather disappeared months earlier, a common story shared by many occupation children everywhere the US military has it’s footprint. Committed to our family, my dad was determined to make it official by formally adopting me before my sister was born in 1985.

I can’t remember a time when my dad wasn’t in our lives. Every memory includes him. My parents’ wedding, my baptism, family vacations, the adventures of military life; he is an intricate and pivotal part of all my memories as a child. I don’t know what kind of life my mother and I would have had if he hadn’t come into our life. I surely wouldn’t have had nearly the amount of opportunities in my life. I wouldn’t be as stubborn or determined to build a life that is mine, if it weren’t for him. He has taught me compassion, perseverance, and determination like no other. I couldn’t have asked for a better father!

While adoption clearly has played a significant role in my family’s life, I only recently realized the impact it has had on those around me, or rather, the extent to which it has. Two Sunday’s ago at The Well (for those of you new to these parts, that’s the church I attend), we had the privilege of witnessing a presentation that highlighted three very different experiences with adoption – trans-national and trans-cultural/racial adoption, inter-family adoption, and the perspective from a birthmother who chose an open adoption. The extent to which adoption as touched my church community and wider circle of friends is breathtaking:

My friend and Pastor, Todd Hiestand and his family adopted their second son from Guatemala. I’ve seen how that bond has shaped the ways he, his family and his community have continue to engage in Guatemala and the local Latino communities around him.

A good friend of mine and her husband will be traveling to Cambodia in 2011 to adopt their new baby girl.

Friends in Germany adopted twin boys more than five years ago and are in the process of adding another member to their family.

A couple at church, who I have had the opportunity to get to know over the past few months, have continually opened their home and lives to foster children, and I hope that adoption is in God’s plan for them really soon!

I am excited to see how adoption continues to shape my life and the lives of those I care about!

As November is National Adoption Awareness Month, I want to take this opportunity to express my gratitude, which I don’t express nearly enough:

Thank you to my dad for having such a big heart, for opening his life not only to my mom but to me, and for being such an incredible example!

Thank you to all of the birthparents who had the courage to let go!

Thank you to all the individuals and couples who opened their hearts and homes to children so desperately in need of loving families!

Thank you to the communities that embrace those who are walking the path of adoption and freely join them on the journey!

Please share your adoption story! How has adoption changed your life or your community?

W5ZASZZRM7FT

Since Kathrin (that’s me) doesn’t benedict very often, I thought that sharing would be appropriate…..

This is our present Festival; it is this which we are celebrating today, the Coming of God to Man, that we might go forth, or rather that we might go back to God— that putting off the old man, we might put on the New; and that as we died in Adam, so we might live in Christ, being born with Christ and crucified with Him and buried with Him and rising with Him.

Therefore let us keep the Feast, not after the manner of a heathen festival, but after a godly sort; not after the way of the world, but in a fashion above the world; not as our own but as belonging to Him Who is ours, or rather as our Master’s; not as of weakness, but as of healing; not as of creation, but of re-creation.

Today is the first Sunday of the Nativity Fast for millions of (Eastern Orthodox) Christians around the world. Well, actually November 15, marks the official beginning of the Nativity Fast (40 days before Christmas), but today is the first Sunday. For many of us this represents a time of fasting and reflection in anticipation of the coming of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!

Blessed Nativity Fast!

How does the saying go – if you do the same thing you’ve always done, expect the same result? So, here’s to doing something different, putting my goals out there and holding myself accountable.

So, here they are. I am putting them out there! I am going to (in no particular order):

• relocate to Atlanta
• get a motorcycle license
• get a SCUBA basic and rescue license
• be more intentional about living healthy
• apply for and get accepted to a writers retreat
• meet my birth father
• learn Spanish
• pursue a PhD

Relocate to Atlanta

So, this isn’t a surprise to anyone since I have been talking about this move for a few months now Well….actually, that isn’t exactly true. I have actually been talking about moving to Atlanta for years now. But, it’s just been that, talk! No action! I am excited to say that I have actually set a plan in motion to get me there in February 2011. Pray for me and the weather, cause I am not driving a UHaul in a situation like last winter’s hot mess!!

Love Atl skyline but will miss Philly's!

I love Atlanta. I love the energy and the warm weather, and love the people I have meet over the years who are from Atlanta. A HUGE plus – some of my closest friends live in Atlanta. The energy definitely suites me and my personality. My parents lived there for more than 10 years. So, the specific move date rests on (1) the weather and (2) securing housing ….so if anyone has housing contacts in Atlanta, let me know. I am looking for a duplex, end of row townhouse or single standing home with a fenced yard (the Samsonator would surely appreciate it), hard wood floors, 2 bdroom/2bath plus den (KI Consulting really needs an office), within the perimeter, access to Marta. Some areas that I am interested in are: East Point, Decatur, some areas of Capital View, Grant Park, Inman Park, Kirkwood, Edgewood, and Oakhurst. I may be interested in a roommate, but not a stranger. So, it has to be a friend of a friend at the very least! I am not asking for much, right?!

The big question is, how am I going to get plugged in? Well, I have a plan for that too. I have spent the last couple of weeks re-connecting with Atlantans that I have met over the years at conferences, workshops, on the train, plane and bus. You know me, I talk to pretty much anyone who will talk back!  I want to thank everyone in advance for playing connector and introducing me to folks! I have also carved out a list of organizations that I want to get involved with. I know how I can get (Monica can attest to this) , so I am limiting my involvement to three organizations to pursue Board participation with. Right now I have a list of 17, so I have some work cut out for me. Make me stick to three people!!

Motorcycle License

Kathrin's Chrome Fund is taking donations...please and thank you!

I have wanted to learn how to ride a motorcycle for….well, as long as I can remember. It’s all my cousin’s fault. Many years ago while visiting family in what was then East Germany, my cousin second cousin – he is my mother’s cousin) took me for a ride on his crotch rocket and I was hooked, a little scared, but totally hooked!

So, when I go to transfer my PA drivers license to GA next spring, I am also applying for am MP class license on the spot. NO excuses!  Within 30 days of obtaining my MP license, I will find and enroll in a motorcycle driving and safety class. Note to my biker friends in Atlanta (you know who you are): I may (highly likely) hit you up for some lessons. Please and thank you! :-)

Intentional Health

This is complicated. I’ve struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember. I really despise how my understanding of self-worth is so heavily influenced by to the size of my curves.  I want to feel healthier and starting with what I choose to put into my body is a great place to start. While I hate exercising, I have to admit that the byproducts are definitely worth it – I come up with some of my best ideas when I am walking.

So, as of today, I am:

• going to be kind to myself
• exercise at least 30 minutes three times a week (I really dislike exercising, but paying for salsa classes like I used to do is out of the question right now)
• cut out all processed sugars
• eat 4 smaller meals each day with more vegetables and fruit

That's gonna me be....

S.C.U.B.A. License

I am going to see if I can talk my sister into going on this adventure with me. We don’t nearly talk enough or spend as much time together as I would like. I think a lot of that has to do with how different we are. We really don’t have a lot in common and a lot of times I am not sure really what to talk to her about. So, I hope this is something that we can both do together to start creating things that we do have in common.

I found a relatively inexpensive Diving School in Fernandina Beach. Basic and Rescue Diver are $250 each plus equipment rental.  There is a volunteer rescue diving team near Atlanta that I want to learn more about and possibly join, but I need to re-new my First Aid and CPR certifications first (….and yet my license). My parents used to dive a lot and my dad was actually part of a rescue diving team in Michigan or Germany…..we had the VW Bus, so it must have been Germany. Anyway, I always wanted to learn how to dive and, well now I am going to do it.

Writers Retreats

I have put off writing for far too long. I haven’t put my hands the three (very rough) chapters of my memoir in over a year. I need to get back to daily dedicated quite time for writing.  As of today, no more wishing, hoping, praying (well maybe some praying).  I am setting aside two hours every morning – no facebook, no twitter, no phone. Just me, my thoughts and a new notebook (the paper kind). Yeah, I am going old school! In order to do that, I have to get to bed at a more descent hour. No more tinkering around at midnight.

I need to touch with the ever-amazing Heidi Durrow to talk about which retreats may be a good fit for me since I don’t necessarily write fiction (although I have in the past). I haven’t fleshed this goal as much as I need to. I do know that I want to attend a retreat Fall 2011 and another Spring 2012.

Speaking of Heidi, I will be attending the Mixed Roots Film and Literary Festival in 2011! I am committing to it and committing to submit a piece that I have been working.

Meet my Birth Father

Now, this is a can of worms. Most of you know the saga. It’s complicated and messy. We first located him about two years (in October). Thank you Henriette and GBCS!! We only talk when I make an effort. I’ve talked to his brother more than I have talked to him. I used to talk to my half-brother on a somewhat regular basis, but he ended up spending some time in jail, got divorced from his wife and ended up moving out of Florida. His phone numbers are disconnected and his emails bounce back.

He lives in Daytona Beach, Florida. Apparently I have quite a bit of extended family down there on his side. I am not sure what this meeting will look like, or how I am going to approach it with him. I’ve thought about sending him an email recently. The last time we talked was before my move to Albany. I also have a few friends down there, people I haven’t seen in several years.  So, next summer it’s off to Daytona.

Learning Spanish

It may seem somewhat superficial, but I didn’t have the privilege (or many opportunity is a better word) to grow up with a connection to my Latin heritage. In the past I have reflected on what it means to be a Latina and how, for those of us not raised in a particular culture, are still able to be connected in ways that honors our heritage. Language is such a powerful component of culture. Developing my ability to communicate in Spanish is as important to me as communicating in English or German. Rosetta Stone, here I come!

Yes, please! I want THAT one!

Ph.D. Here I Come!

By the time I graduated Villanova 2006, I was feeling academic burn-out full force. I had spent the last 8 years working full time while maintaining a full academic load. During my last three terms at Nova I also maintained an assistantship. I wanted nothing to do with any thing remotely academic for almost half a year. I was perfectly content reading gossip mags and Reality TV.

That lasted about six months. I began to miss some of the major components of grad school. I missed my cohorts and professors. Sure, I could waltz into Dr. Keita or Dr. Abugidieri’s office at any time, but it’s different now. Both of them had such a profound impact of shaping the ways and which I reexamined and reconstructed the agency of various actors in imagining and constructing the “new world”. I miss seminars. Clearly I have completely lost it. I used to hate seminars, especially during times I developed love/hate relationship with weekly readings. Gayle can attest to this and my many ranting’s about a certain professor’s tract on Algeria. Thank GOD for library copies! I even miss writing papers. Sick, right? Well, what I really miss is the research, the exploration. The writing, not so much. I miss intellectual discourse. While I have some fabulously brilliant friends (Adam Hymans and Ryan Wittle come to mind), I don’t get the opportunity to do so on a regular basis.

First I need to decide what area of study I am going to pursue. Given my academic background, I have several options:

• History with a concentration African diaspora, gender
• Public Policy with a focus on urban policy
• Public Administration with a concentration nonprofit management or community/global leadership
• Applied Anthropology

Don’t get me wrong, I love anthropology and linguistics, but I am having a harder time conceptualizing how I can translate a Ph.D. in either of them into what I am doing now and something that will actually strengthen my ability to move my freelance practice forward.

In conclusion….

Hold me accountable people!

What are some of the things you have been putting off but want to pursue, experience or accomplish? There’s no time like the present. Join me and we can hold each other accountable!

I didn’t blog much this summer. There was a lot of….yeah, you guessed it, change. I am no longer at NSC. I no longer have my place in Center City West. I moved to Lake George. I moved back to Philadelphia. I was engaged. I am no longer engaged. I started my own consulting firm – KI Consulting. I am moving to Atlanta  in 2011. See, I told you, change has been the constant in my life this summer.

So, clearly I am splitting content. I will focus on book and documentary reviews, political and cultural commentary, call to actions and all the industry information on KI Consulting Blog. TDP is strictly personal. No shop talk.

To say that a lot transpired this summer would be an understatement. Most of it is neither here nor there at this point. While it always takes two to tango, I recognize that I can only take responsibility for my part in it, learn from my mistakes and move on. I don’t own other peoples’ baggage.  Nothing can come from rehashing any of it, so I won’t even go down that road.  I am still digesting many aspects of what transpired. Perhaps at some point I will put more concrete thoughts down on what I learned from it all.  Until then, I’ll continue to take care of myself, rebuild my life, and put a lot of energy into the spectacular people I feel very blessed to call family and friends. Building the business is also eating up a good chunk of my time. I have a few clients who are extremely passionate about being the change they want to see in their communities.

I am really excited about the months ahead of me. Moving to Atlanta is at the top of that list. While I am going to miss Philadelphia, especially the close relationships that I have built over the last decade here, it’s time to move on. It’s time to step out of my comfort zone and try some new things, meet new people, and explore. So, more than anything, this blog serves as my attempt to chronicle my new story.

I look forward to sharing this journey with you and hope that you will share a bit of yours with me. All I ask is that you be kind and thoughtful with your words.

I have also put a lot of thought into setting new goals, things I want to experience and accomplish. Discussion coming soon….

- Peace Out

So…true story!

A few weeks ago (on my first visit to the Homestead), I was about to take a shower. I turn on the water, get undressed, open the curtain, and what did I see, a flying bug coming right at me. I think the Medic called it a bee. Honestly, I couldn’t have cared what it was but it was black with wings and was coming at me. So, naturally I screamed (see above disclaimer). I stuck my head out the door and yelled, “Baby….I need you!”

As the Medic made her way from the then bedroom (now dining and living room) she already had that “oh this should be interesting” smirk on her face (not that I know what that looks like or anything). I love that she humors me. What can I say, I am a city girl through and through. I can deal with rats the size of domestic felines, but get me near a bug and I can’t cope with life. You think I am kidding?!

She examined what had me all twisted and says “ummm…it’s a bee” to which I gave her my “baby, please kill it” look. Then, without a pause, she took one of MY heels and squished it. Like splat! While I was immensely appreciative of her heroic efforts, which were totally hot btw, I was puzzled as to why she felt the need to use MY heel to do the deed. What had my heel ever done to her? Hmm, wonder if I ever thanked her for cleaning my heal while I took a shower? If not….thank you baby!!

Ok, so it’s your lucky night…two for the price of one! Here is another:

Several years ago, when I still owned the house on Oakland Street (in Ghetto-lite as I used to call the neighborhood), I had two roommates, one of whom hated bugs as much or even more than I did. One night, at some ungodly hour, I  awoke to the loudest of shrieks. Mere seconds later my room door flew open and she flung herself on my bed. Under other circumstances this could have been interesting! She informed me that there was something crawling in the bathtub. Why she felt the need to tell me this of all people, I do not know, but nevertheless, she somehow talked me into “taking care of it”.

So, I did what anyone else in my position would do – I grabbed the plunger and bottle of Orange Glow on the floor near the door of the bathroom, slowly approached the bathtub and looked inside. Sure enough, there it was. A big, fat, nasty bug. Once again, I couldn’t tell you the species or whatever they call them. I proceeded to drown it in Orange Glow, but the fucker would not die. Noooo….it had to come after us. So, please imagine, Sarah screaming, me screaming (and dousing the bug with more Orange Glow) until it slowly stopped moving and turned belly up. SCORE!

While I felt accomplished I was also mildly disturbed and found it quite difficult to fall asleep that night. Slightly traumatizing nightmares of bugs followed….

So…if you wish to receive the password to my protected posts, leave a comment in any thread. Be sure to include a valid email address and a link to your blog, your myspace, your facebook, or some other way to verify that you are a real person

Thanks for indulging my curiosity as to who reads these….*cough* interesting posts!

My dear friend and fellow NSC’er, Pam, invited me to join her this Sunday – May 2 – at the Philadelphia MS Walk. Her friend works at Drexel Neurology and they walk every year. Fun times with great people for a great cause!I am going to miss the Breast Cancer walk this year, so I am glad that I can participate this weekend!

I am entering the game a bit late, so I need your help! I am raising $300! Please give today!

Also, if you are interested in joining us, meet us at the “Rocky Statue” at 9:30am.

Registration  starts at 9:00 a.m.
Walk MS begins at 10:00 a.m.

All Walk MS locations will provide the following:

• A light breakfast
• Entertainment (music, clowns & other fun-filled activities)
• Kick-off celebration followed by snacks and beverages along the route at various rest stops
• A finish line celebration filled with lunch, music and other festivities
• Support vehicles to accommodate any participant in need of transportation from a rest stop back to the finish line

Email me at – Kathrin@thediversityprojekt.org if you want more information and make sure we meet up.

Why We Fight MS

Having multiple sclerosis means that you may not be able to walk when you wake up. Or that you may suddenly have impaired vision. Or that your memory will fail you for no apparent reason. The symptoms of MS are different, and devastating, for everyone – the only certainty is that it will affect yet another person every hour of every day.

Why I Walk

I’ve registered for Walk MS because I want to do something for the people who have been diagnosed – and because I want to do everything to prevent more people from learning what it means to live with this disease. Today, there is no cure for multiple sclerosis, and with a diagnosis occurring most frequently between the ages of 20 and 50, many individuals face a lifetime filled with unpredictability.

Why You Should Sponsor Me

The National Multiple Sclerosis Society will use funds collected from Walk MS to not only support research for a cure tomorrow, but also to provide programs which address the needs of people living with MS today. Because we choose to walk for those who sometimes can’t, because we choose to donate to the MS Walk, we are getting closer to the hour when no one will have to hear the words, “You have MS.”

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Ok, so on to the next!  This weekend is Equality Forum in Philadelphia, THE Global LGBTQ Summit. I started this past Monday and turns through Sunday. The Equality Forum, which started in 1993 as PrideFest Philadelphia, has expanded from a weekend event with 15 participating organizations to a week-long GLBT summit featuring more than 50 panels, parties and performances.

I have missed most of the week’s events, but hope to make  some of the workshops on Saturday. I can be found here:

Conversation With Lt. Dan Choi and Malcolm Lazin
Saturday, May 1, 2:30 p.m. – 3:45 p.m.
Arts Bank
601 South Broad Street
Philadelphia, PA

and

Film Screening: “OUT in the SILENCE”
Saturday, May 1, 7:30 p.m. – 9:30 p.m.
Arts Bank
601 South Broad Street
Philadelphia, PA

I was going to attend a discussion about the importance of power of attorneys/wills for LGBT couples, but I can’t eem to find it listed anywhere. Hit me up if you want to join me. I am meeting up with some friend and I think we are hitting Stir afterwards. I may or may not attend SundayOUT depending on how I feel after the MS walk.